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Yesterday my childhood best friend got engaged. While we aren’t friends anymore, I was still very happy for her upon seeing the news on Facebook. I thought, just the day or two before, how in love she looked in a photo of her and her bf she just posted. I knew an engagement was coming soon.

Then there was the part of me that somehow had to make it about me and I was sad. I will literally be the last of all my friends AND acquaintances to get married. Guess I just need to keep making younger and younger friends, ha. I’m sorry but people can say what they want…this is a very hard life transition to go through and not come away thinking something must be wrong with me. I was also sad thinking how I push people away constantly and how I won’t be included in this exciting celebration because I suck as a friend.

Anyway, I’ll try to keep reminding myself:
Someone else’s success does NOT equal my personal failure.

How to feel better about yourself:

1. Sleep without underwear every once and a while, it’s good for you. Maybe even try sleeping naked.

2. Take long baths with tea, ice cream, or whatever you please. Throw in bubbles if that’s your style.

3. Look at yourself like you look at your best friend. Find the freckles you love, what your eyes look best with, what hairstyle compliments your smile.

4. When you look at your naked body in the mirror, only think good things. Say compliments to yourself aloud. Watch yourself smile, and encourage yourself.

5. Take yourself out on a date. Treat yourself to the things you love. You’re alone yes, but there is nothing wrong with that. Remember all the times you were smothered by people and talking crowds, and you only wanted to be alone with yourself.

6. Write yourself a love note. Tell yourself your favorite things about you, and tell yourself all the things you want to become. Tell yourself you’ll love you forever.

7. Take pictures of yourself. Selfies are magnificent! Take 500! Take them everywhere! Find the good lighting! Pick your favorite one and realize what a wonderful work of art you are.

8. Acknowledge your accomplishments, all of them. Got out of bed? It’s hard sometimes and it’s been hard before, so honestly great job. Drink lots of water, and at the end of the day congratulate yourself for staying hydrated. Let yourself know when you are proud, and soak up the feeling of “well done”.

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(Source: aavocadobaby)

FOR YOU

Sometimes I can be perfectly sweet
Got this sugary me all stuffed up in my sleeve
And I talk of ponies and rainbows and things
And I’m just who you want me to be

But like most creatures down here on the ground
I’m composed of the elements moving around
I grow and change and I shift and I switch
And it turns out I’m actually kind of a bitch

But that only happens when I get provoked
By some piece of shit asshole we all sadly know
And I sit and I write while reminding you all
That mean songs are still better than going postal

And that guy’s an asshole
That girl’s a bitch
Baby it’s natural
No getting away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy, he’s just an asshole

I see I’ve surprised you with some of my words
And I know that surprises, while fun, still can hurt
And I hate to think that I’ve ruined the day
Of the dick and the queen of the high horse parade

But I’m sick and tired of your poisonous ways
You’re a toxin
Wasting perfectly good space
And I say what I think
'Cause it's more economic
Than drugs or a drink

And that guy’s an asshole
That girl’s a bitch
Baby it’s natural
No getting away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy, he’s just an asshole

No I won’t let him in, under my skin
He’s a sad sack of shit, it’s pathetic
Just a festering sore
Who will never be more than that if I don’t let him

That guy’s an asshole
That girl’s a bitch
Baby it’s natural
No getting away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy, he’s just an asshole

'Cause that guy's an asshole
That girl’s a bitch
Baby it’s natural
No getting away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy, he’s just an asshole



Read more: Sara Bareilles - That Guy’s An Asshole Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Meditation is a matter of slow and steady experience. It is not a cure. It is not a set of values. It is not a religion. It is a way- a way to be fully present, a way to be genuinely who we are, a way to look deeply at the nature of things, a way to rediscover the peace we already possess. It does not aim to get rid of anything bad, or to create anything good. It is an attitude of openness. The term for this attitude is mindfulness.

This may be a late realization but, every reason you have for it not working out, all the things you think I couldn’t give you, you weren’t giving me in return either. Imagine how things could have changed if you had loved me with the complete acceptance you wanted to get from me. At least part of me is starting to recognize that maybe this was all equal instead of mostly my fault.

Does it ever get better? Because right now it just feels like subjecting myself to emotional torture for no good reason. Usually people just become strangers by default with time and distance. Watching it happen in front of your face without anything replacing that void…not something I would recommend. 

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

Shit son. My pain levels are whack and my pain tolerance far too high if all of this isn’t enough to make me DO SOMETHING. !!!!!! at myself.

Over and over, we are broken on the shore of life. Our stubborn egos are knocked around, and our frightened hearts are broken open - not once, and not in predictable patterns, but in surprising ways and for as long as we live. The promise of being broken and the possibility of being opened are written into the contract of human life. Certainly this tumultuous journey on the waves can be tiresome. When the sea is rough, and when we are suffering, we may want to give up hope and give in to despair. But brave pilgrims have gone before us. They tell us to venture forth with faith and vision. Rumi speaks for them all when he says:

Drum sounds rise on the air,
And with them, my heart.
A voice inside the beat says,
I know you are tired,
But come.
This is the way.

May you listen to the voice within the beat even when you are tired. When you feel yourself breaking down, May you break open instead. May every experience in life be a door that opens your heart, expands your understanding, and leads you to freedom. If you are weary, May you be aroused by passion and purpose. If you are blameful and bitter, May you be sweetened by hope and humor. If you are frightened, May you be emboldened by a big consciousness far wiser than your fear. If you are lost, May you understand that we are all lost, and still we are guided-by Strange Angels and Sleeping Giants, by our better and kinder natures, by the vibrant voice within the beat. May you follow that voice, for This Is The way- the hero’s journey, the life worth living, the reason we are here.

It is in times of brokenness that the soul sings its most wise and eternal song. You will recognize its music…you’ll unfold your arms and lean back, and say to the soul, “Just sing me your song. Teach me the words. Tell me what you know.”

A traumatic event is like a knife slicing through our diversionary tactics and exposing the vein of truth - the truth of what we really want, of how we really feel, if the wrongs we have visited upon each other, of the love we crave from each other.

"A day will come when you will be stirred by unexpected events. A part of you will die and you will begin to search for the elixir to bring this part of you back to life.
 
You will seek this elixir in friends, lovers, enemies, books, religions, foreign countries, heroes, songs, rituals, and jobs. But no matter where you look, the treasure will evade you.
 
All will seem lost. You will lose all hope that this magic potion even exists. It will be the darkest of nights, and the promise of certain death will lead you to the abyss of despair.
 
But, staring into this abyss, you will begin to see the dim light of your own illumined soul.Your radiance will transform the abyss itself into the elusive elixir of life. And for the first time you will realize that all the while … it was your own Light that you were searching for.”
 
- Invocation from Daily Love: Growing into Grace, by Mastin Kipp

All Too Well

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house,
And you still got it in your drawer even now.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.
We’re singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it after all these days.

And I know it’s long gone,
And that magic’s not here no more,
And I might be okay,
But I’m not fine at all.

'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red ‘cause you were looking over at me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
And your mother’s telling stories about you on a tee ball team
You tell me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me.

And I know it’s long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to…

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece ‘til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all… too well.

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can’t get rid of it ‘cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

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